FEELING LOW? NO JOB? CAN'T GET OUT OF BED?
WHAT YOU NEED IS
BILL'S BOOT CAMP!
Medical experts agree that for some people, Tough Love is better than Professional Care.
So what could deliver the toughest of Tough Love, but Bill Bayley's Boot Camp!
Set in the lovely Arrow Valley in rural South Warwickshire, it comprises a six-week course designed to break the hardest case, toughen up the weakest spirit, energise the lowest energy,
with some of the Toughest Tough Love available!
You will be escorted to your quarters, in a comfortable dry garage, and you will arrange your blanket to suit your own requirements, on a spot of your choice. There follows a programme of early rising, vigorous exercises, hard manual work, healthy eating and a secure night's sleep of 4 hours, behind bars, designed for your own safety.
This does not come cheap, as you will be getting the finest support and attention in the South of England, bar none! Our costs are tailored to your income, and so is the food you will get.
Minimum charge, for six weeks..................................................£8,000
Luxury suite, (own blanket, key to communal toilet)..................£12,000
Extra food.( cup of tea, bread, half an apple Daily)......................£400 a week.
If you have savings over £1000, these will be taken from you before starting the course, at a rate to suit the organisers.
We expect all fees to be paid four weeks in advance. No grants are available.
It only does you good if you pay for it yourself!
This Boot Camp Course is suitable for treating: Lazy Cow Syndrome, Idle-itis, Lead-swinging, Tosspots of all kinds, Lard-arses, Nogood Boyos, Couch Potatoes, Dossers, etc
It is unsuitable for: The Congenitally Stupid, Politicians, Senior Managers, Rich People, The Truly Sad, Teenagers over 17, Children under 13. (Our motto: “You cannot make a silk purse from a sow's ear”).
No guarantees are given for the efficacy of the course. If further time is required, the fees will increase by 50%, due to the extra time and trouble our staff have to endure to get some results.
Health and Safety Rules are applied at all times. If you are accepted on the course, you must maintain your own Health at all times, and see to your own Safety. The Management cannot take any responsibility for accidents that may occur due to the carelessness of clients. If accidents are severe, the client will be sued for damages. No money will be refunded in the case of Death.
OUR MOTTO: “PER ARDUA AD SANA”('Through hardships to health')
Unsolicited testimonials:“It really made a Man out of me!” (Osama bin Laden, sadly deceased)
“This course is not for sissies. Unfortunately, I am one.” (David Cameron, Prime Minister)
“More! I want more! Sorry, everybody...” (Dying words of Kevin Jumpstart, who died in Week 4)
“I was on drugs and everything before I did Bill's Boot Camp. Now I have no trouble getting up, because I never sleep! I'm still on drugs, though. I appreciate them more now.” ((Rosie the Dog)
“I cannot thank Bill enough for all he's done for me!” (Bill's wife, Sally, under duress)
“This course put me where I am today!” ('Jellybean' Mumpslot, St. Michael's Mental Hospital)
“I owe everything to Bill's Boot camp!” (Lord Archer, Fleet Debtor's Prison)[He certainly does!]
REMEMBER! BOOT CAMP TODAY, NO TROUBLES TOMORROW!