Cracked Right Through


One door closes and another one opens.

Someone farted. Not again, thought Alan Main as the classroom erupted into a mass of giggling boys, all fanning the air with their worksheets. I’m getting too old for this, I don’t even care any more. Let them do what they want. It’s only what I used to do at their age. He smiled at the thirty lads as they quietened down slowly, expecting to be told off after an inquest was held, in which the culprit would not be found. 

“You realise, whoever did that, that you have increased your Carbon Footprint and added to Global Warming?”

“Funny footprint, more like an arse-print,” muttered someone. Alan refrained from laughing out loud. It would only inflame them. If only there were some girls in this group, they would behave so much better. 

“Who knows what the greatest greenhouse gas is? No, not carbon dioxide. It’s actually methane. And what animal emits most methane? No, not cows. It’s ants and termites. There are millions of them to the square metre in rain forests. If we humans want to do something about Global Warming, then find a way to stop ants and termites from farting. Any suggestions?”